Cage Match 2010, Round 1: 4) Gandalf versus 29) Hiro Protagonist



Image courtesy of New Line Cinema

Hiro Protagonist.jpg

Image courtesy of Patrick Arrasmith

Servant of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the Flame of Arnor
Age: Immortal (or near-enough)
Race: Istari
Weapons / Artifacts: Glamdring, “The Shattering of Foes”; staff
Special Attack: Flash of Light

Hiro Protagonist
Last of the Freelance Hackers, Greatest Swrordsman in the World
Age: Late-20’s
Race: Human
Weapons / Artifacts: Katana, wazusashi, Arachnofiber armor
Special Attack: Superior Swordsmanship

  • Vast amounts of knowledge of the peoples, places, and legends of Middle-Earth
  • Many magical items like Glamdring, Narya the Ring of Fire, and his staff
  • Fire control and killer pyrotechnic displays

  • Skills of a Deliverator: combat, speed, and driving prowess
  • Nearly unlimited access in the Metaverse
  • Awesome gadgets like his arachnofiber armor and supersonic dart-gun

  • His love of the halfling’s leaf has clearly dulled his senses

  • He didn’t write the code for Middle Earth

How we think the fight will go

Strolling down the Street in the Metaverse, Hiro Protagonist stops in front of a new building he has never seen before. The edifice is a sheer cliff of rock with the outline of a stone door in the middle. The door is ajar and Hiro can hear the voices of a small party of men inside. Curious, he steps into the gloom.

Gandalf and the Fellowship halt in their tracks at the sound of footsteps behind them. Slowly a strange figure appears in the doorway wielding two curved swords and wearing a thin mesh coverall. “This foe is beyond any of you; run!” Gandalf urges as he pushes his companions on, running quickly over a small bridge spanning a gaping chasm.

The strange figure leaps toward Gandalf the Grey, katana drawn and eyes wild, swiping and stabbing furiously at the mighty wizard, who parries some blow with his magic staff, but is cut deeply when a slash gets through his defenses. Suddenly, a blinding flash emanates from the end of Gandalf’s staff, blinding Hiro and giving the wizard enough time to unsheathe Glamdring, magical sword of the Elves. With a cry, Gandalf strikes at the stranger, meeting Hiro’s blade with a terrific CLANG!

Hiro’s fine Nipponese blades are no match for the Elven steel and they shatter after a single blow, falling uselessly to the floor. Scrambling backwards, Hiro crouches as if to pounce on the tired wizard when Gandalf raises his staff and triumphantly slams it down on the narrow bridge, shouting, “You shall not pass!”

The bridge crumbles as Hiro plummets to his digital death. While falling he can’t help but wish he had Y.T.’s harpoon to bring the wizard down with him…

Predicted Winner: Gandalf Stormcrow

(Gandalf is a character from JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings series; Hiro Protagonist is a character from Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash)

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