Cage Match 2010, Round 1: 9) Aragorn versus 24) The Wee Free Men



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Wee Free Men.jpg

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The Contestants

Ranger of the North; King of Gondor
Age: 90
Race: Human, with some Elvish blood
Weapons / Artifacts: The legendary sword Andúril
Special Attack: Can far-see and communicate using the magical palantiri–the Seeing Stones

The Wee Free Men
Nac Mac Feegle
Age: Varied
Race: Pictsies
Weapons / Artifacts: Bare fists, swords, brickbats, rocks–whatever comes to hand
Special Attack: Swarming

The Breakdown


  • Was fostered among the Elves as a child and learned much of their wisdom
  • Skilled leader, warrior, and healer
  • Descendant of kings and heir to the long-vacant throne of Gondor

  • Strength in numbers: There are hundreds of them
  • Already believe they’re dead, and that a good fight is their reward
  • Can’t be seen unless they want to be

  • Deeply noble–doesn’t know how to fight dirty

  • They’re only six inches tall, on average

  • N/A

  • N/A

How we think the fight will go

Aragorn dismounts from his mighty horse Roheryn in order to give the crowd of tiny men a fair fight. There are many of them, but Aragorn is the descendant of generations of kings and heroes and no mob of redheaded riffraff is going to keep him from assuming the throne of Gondolin. He unsheathes Andúril and strides forward. Immediately the wee men are upon him: stabbing into the chinks of his armor, crawling up his greaves, blacking his eyes, screaming into his ears, piling onto his back to try to pull him down to the ground. Aragorn cries out the ancient Númenórean words for “Get off me you buggers!” and his sword flares like the sun, blinding the Mac Feegle closest to him. Some fall away, diving back into their underground home to recover. But more come boiling up out of the ground, ready to join the fray. Scores of them climb up his sword arm, biting through his gauntlet until he drops Andúril. And when the sword falls, so does the heir to ancient Gondor….

Predicted Winner: The Wee Free Men

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Aragorn is a character from JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings series; The Wee Free Men is a character from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series

Aragorn image courtesy of New Line Cinema. Wee Free Men image courtesy of Corgi Children’s Books