Oh, surely you didn’t think it was going to stop at that mild-to-moderate level of terror, did you? That’s adorable!
No, science is not just “teaching toy trains to eat sugar.” If the world was that innocent, we’d all be riding unicorns to our jobs at the kitten factory where the only “emissions” would be rainbows and kitten sighs. Sadly, ours is a world of far more terrible consequences: The US Government has commissioned a third party developer to build and refine Gastrobots for use on the battlefield. That’s right: We’re currently building warbots that power themselves on corpses. The robot digestive tracts are being developed by a corporation called Cyclone Power, who prefers to call them “beta biomass engine systems.”
Yeah, sure. I like to tell the police that I’m practicing “body freedom,” but in the end I still get arrested for indecent exposure; you fuckers built a carnivorous robot. Just own up already, and admit that what you’ve dubbed the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot is really a–Wait…oh God. Did you get that?
Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot: EATR.
OK, never mind: Nobody is trying to disguise the fear factor of this technology. It’s plain to see they’re not exactly trying to placate the masses with comforting marketing jargon when something called “Cyclone Power” unveils their “EATR War Bots.” An announcement that straight-up threatening would make Cobra Commander anxiety-puke into his face mask. These are out-and-out super-villains hell-bent on world destruction, and you know what? There’s actually something downright refreshing about that kind of honesty in a corporation these days.
Find more of Robert’s Disaster A Day content here: Disaster A Day with Robert Brockway