Cage Match 2012: Round 2: Granny Weatherwax versus The Fool


The Contestants


Click to view original image source


Click to view original image source

Esmerelda “Esme” Weatherwax
Age: It’s rude to ask a Witch her age
Race: Witch
Weapons / Artifacts: Flying broomstick

The Fool
White Prophet
Age: Unknown
Race: White
Weapons / Artifacts: Can foresee the future and alter the path of time
Will outsmart you

The Breakdown


  • Incredibly powerful witch
  • Particularly skilled at tricking people without using magic
  • Can “Borrow” another’s senses

  • Can guide the course of time
  • Is very smart
  • Great at disguises

  • Committed to doing “Right”

  • Weakling

  • Bram
    I bet he’d prefer un-death

How we think the fight will go

Dearest fans and dedicated voters,

From all of us here at Unbound, we apologize for the severe damage done to the Unbound Worlds Cage Match Stadium and surrounding neighborhood. We had worked with the greatest minds in the realm to bring you the most entertaining, the most thought provoking fights between your favorite science fiction and fantasy characters, and we have failed you. Looking back, we should have seen this coming a mile away.

We were so excited for this fight. The Fool and Granny Weatherwax share so many incredibly awesome, mind-bending talents. Both have an almost incomprehensible ability to see far into the future, and understand how to guide the flow of time to preserve what’s Right in the universe. Both are frustratingly clever, and have razor-sharp minds. We expected this fight to be epic, discussed and debated for years to come. We were prepared to know that we may not even live to see the true outcome of this match, because both Granny and The Fool tend to work with centuries-long timelines. Theses would be written on the hows and the whys, films would be made and re-made to try and fully capture the complexities of this face-off, poems would be written, ballads would be sung. We expected, no, knew that this match would alter time itself.

Looking back, we didn’t expect that Granny Weatherwax would simply just set the arena on fire. It turns out that she was frustrated the whole concept of Cage Match, being forced to put her powers on display for the entertainment of others, etc. and was particularly miffed that her hotel only had “that god-awful Lipton crap and cheap, plastic-encased biscuits.” Granny has issued a formal apology to those in attendance that day, but we’re not sure if she really meant it.

Please forgive us.

Yours cordially,

Unbound Worlds Cage Match

Rhea Lyons contributed to this Cage Match

Predicted Winner: Granny Weatherwax


Check out the previous match!

Check out the next match in the Hogwarts: Quidditch Pitch bracket!

Check out the Bracket

Granny Weatherwax is a character from the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett; The Fool is a character from the Tawny Man series by Robin Hobb

Granny image courtesy of Victor Gollancz, Ltd. The Fool image courtesy of Spectra Books

Don’t forget–we’re always looking for fans’ depictions of these characters. Check out the details here

Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”


  • Meg

    Granny has no time for this sh*t. XD I love that woman.

  • mr. awesome

    seriously, if the fool sees into the future, he could have predicted this. Which granny appearently would have foreseen and thus she would chose another aproach, which the fool would have foreseen.

    anyway, what i’m trying to say is that there is no way in hell that granny could win by setting the arena on fire.

  • Mary

    Go Granny!

  • Whats the best way to beat someone you know is smarter than you at a game of wits? You get them to sit down to the chess board then punch them as hard as you can. Thats exactly what Granny did here. The thing is, the trickster is so wrapped up in planning ahead that they never see it coming. Well played Granny, well played.
    (And no i dont advocate punching your opponent when they take your queen)

  • iku88

    Show some respect, PLEASE. I don’t like Granny Weatherwax (I prefer Samuel Vimes) but at least I don’t go around insulting other’s hero.

    The Fool is a sublime character that only those who have read the books can truly understand, it’s a shame that he met a woman who has such a reputation.

  • Chris

    Iku, that is a quote from WOT, where a main character did exactly as described, and then explained why he did in. And very much in the manner of the write up, he did so without regard to the collateral damage. I highly doubt it was meant to be insulting to either hero, but rather a simple comparison that is very similar to how the match was described. (and note that the character who said it was being self-depreciating at the time).

  • Sir Read-a-Lot

    I wish to complain about the unrealistic nature of this write up!

    I admit that it is in character for Granny to set the area on fire. Why use magic when there’s a more direct route?

    I admit that it is in character for Granny to be mad at being forced to put her talents on display. I don’t think she would loose her self control enough to set the area on fire, but I’ll buy that she was angry.

    I refuse to believe, however, that Granny submitted a formal apology. Witches don’t submit apologies. People apologize to them.

  • chosen

    I love the fool, I really do but against Granny I have to say Go around the other side of the mountain.

  • C. Guerra

    Aw, I was really looking forward to this scenario. Especially given the disappointing depiction of The Fool in the last round.

  • Nina

    It’s Granny here, not because the Fool isn’t awesome, but because it’s Granny. Sir Read-a-lot, above, has it right, however, when he objects to her apologizing. Seems to me the organizers of the Cage Match will shortly be apologizing to Granny.

  • Rowan

    Hey, I like Granny and she’s a tough old biddy, but the Fool a weakling? He’s an acrobat with the muscles and the strength of an acrobat. At least he was in the books I read.

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