Cage Match 2012: Round 2: Harry Potter versus Kylar Stern


The Contestants


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Click to view original image source

Harry Potter
The Boy Who Lived
Age: 17
Race: Wizard
Weapons / Artifacts: Wand; broomstick; Invisibility Cloak
Most skills mastered at Hogwarts, including the ever-resourceful Expeliarmus!

Kylar Stern
Age: 20s
Race: Human
Weapons / Artifacts: Knives; throwing spikes; sword…pretty much any weapon
Black ka’kari

The Breakdown


  • Remember Voldemort? Yeah, Harry killed him… and his little horcruxes too
  • Honest and steadfast, will do anything for his friends
  • Lightning bolt scar (chicks dig scars)

  • Powerful Talent (magic)
  • Skilled assassin
  • Has endured much in the way of pain and heartbreak

  • He gets by with a little help from his friends (more often than not)

  • Somewhere, deep down, he’s got a bit of a conscience


  • Gimli
    Well, you might make a cameo in The Hobbit movie

How we think the fight will go

How Brent Weeks, creator of Kylar Stern, thinks the match will go:

[With many, many sincere apologies to J.K. Rowling, whom I admire greatly.]

“So, Harry Potter, we meet at last,” Kylar Stern says, coming to stand in front of the booth at The Three Broomsticks.

“Sorry, who are you?” Harry asks.

Kylar winces. “Going right for the gut, huh?”

“Teasing, teasing,'” Harry says. “Hermione told me about the whole thing. Pub Match instead of a Cage Match. Sounded awesome but that was, um, yesterday, so I’m afraid I don’t remember all the ground rules exactly. How about you give me a refresher, and the Butterbeer™ is on me.”

“Butterbeer™?” Kylar asks, taking a seat. He waves to the burly server, who has an eye that rolls around freely in his head, seeming to see everything.

“It was a generic, but we figured, hey, why not trademark that sucker and collect royalties? We’re rolling the official brand out in twelve countries this week. We had to put down the lawsuit from Madame Rosmerta, so I always check for spells and poisons in mine here, but Mad Eye keeps an eye on things for me.”

So much for trying poison then, Kylar thinks. “You’ve come a long way from the cute little kid with glasses, haven’t you?” Kylar asks. And indeed, it’s true. Harry Potter is about twenty-five years. He’s clearly been working out, and while his hair is still unruly, now it seems to be unruly with the help of hair gel. His hair parts neatly and permanently around his trademark lightning bolt scar, and his teeth are the white that only veneers can bestow. And tellingly, he’s not wearing glasses any more. “I just can’t believe you got rid of the glasses,” Kylar says.

“Yeah, plain old muggle contacts. You’d think with all the runs-ins with Voldemort and Bellatrix and the gang that it might have occurred to one of us that glasses fall off.” He shrugs. “It’s hard to get good help these days. So, pub match? Is this tiddlywinks or quarters, or what?”

“Tiddlywinks?” Kylar asks.

“I learned it at Gringotts. You know, you get a coin and you take another coin and… oh never mind.”

It’s all about the coins with this guy.

“Hermione and I still had some disagreements. She won on placing it in your universe. I won on not letting you be ten years old. Can’t kill a ten year old,” Kylar says.

“Oh, this is a fight to the death?” Harry asks. “I should have thought I’d recall that!”

“No, no, no. Pub Match. Hermione thought it would be fun to make a chart of our powers and experiences.”

“A chart? Oh goodness, that does sound like Hermione.”

“Each time the other guy gets a check mark on the spreadsheet, you have to drink.”

“A drinking game? We’re keeping this quiet, right? I mean, I’ve already been banned enough places!”

“It’ll be our little secret,” Kylar says. “Besides, parody is protected speech. So just to start, we agreed that we should only compare conflicts that the two of us went through in our books. We aren’t comparing fans or something lame like that,” Kylar says. It feels strangely dirty to lie to Harry Potter, like you’re taking your own childhood and showing it shocking pictures off the Internet.

“No, no, no. That’s a terrible deal. We can’t take all of that out of the equation! I’ve got eight movies. Eight! That’s more movies than books! Who has more movies than books?”

“To be fair,” Kylar says, “Twilight—”

Twilight?! Twilight?! How dare you, sir? Have you, at last, lost all sense of decency?”


“And how many movies do you have?” Harry demands.

“I’m young!” Kylar says. It’s weak, and he knows it.

“I’ve got a theme park!”

“I’ll admit that’s pretty awe—”

“A theme park, bitch!”

Kylar grumbles. “Look, let’s say on extra-fictional factors, you win. Fans, money, copies, theme parks, movies. Ya got me. Even though I still think it’s kind of lame to compare fan response—yeah, fine. Let’s give you a point for all that.”

“One?” Harry asks.

“Harry, you’re a nice kid, but I think we know what would happen if we had an actual fight to the death. You have wondrous adventures with your friends; I kill people. One point.”

Harry smiles. He really is quite handsome these days. Almost as good looking as Neville turned out. “Fine. One.”

Whew. Kylar’s got a chance now. He tilts back the Butterbeer, mentally not adding a ™ to it.

Harry draws his wand. Kylar flinches. A black, irisdescent metallic substance seeps out of his palm, forming a mesmerizing black ball in his hand. He squeezes it, and in an instant more, the ka’kari has elongated into a black wand.

“Easy there, Mr. Nameless,” Harry says. “I wouldn’t attack you unprovoked. You’re not the only one with a moral code, you know.” He draws the wand through the air and an owl sweeps into the room on silent wings and drops a roll of papers on the table. Harry smoothes them out. It’s the chart Hermione made.

“Extra-novelistical activities” has a single point ticked off in Harry’s favor. A little note is attached, “’Harry, make sure you get at least four points for all your extra-novelistical activities. Seriously, you have a theme park!’”

Harry Potter sighs. “Oh, now I remember, she said to make sure I get this paper before we start.” He grimaces. “My best power has always been my friends, hasn’t it?”

“That’s line two,” Kylar says.

“Oh, yeah, look at this: I’m friends with the smartest wizard of all time: Hermione Granger. Hey, who wrote this? Meh, I guess it is true. You?”

“Ezra the Mad. Close personal friend.” Kylar keeps a straight face. There are advantages to the other guy not having read your books.

“The Mad?”

“Mad Moody was your friend,” Kylar points out.

“True. I also had a winner of the Tri-Wizard Cup as a close friend.”

“The guy who became a shiny vampire?”

“No, no, no, you can’t hold that against me!” Harry says. Kylar isn’t the only one who wants things both ways.

“Can I hold being naked and enamored with horses against you?” Kylar asks.

“That was a youthful indiscretion. He was a young actor looking for street cred.”

“Nothing says street cred like getting naked with horses,” Kylar says flatly.

“Let’s give us both a point for the friends and move on,” Harry says quickly.

Kylar lets it go. He thinks the quality of his friends is pretty good, but Potter definitely has the edge on the numbers. They both drink.

Madame Rosmerta brings another round. Harry grins at her, but she gives him an icy glare, instead smiling nicely at Kylar.

“I had a bad ass mentor,” Harry says. “Dumbledore? Tell me you have anything close to him!”

Kylar raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, Durzo Blint. That’s… yeah, I have heard of him. One point each.”

They drink.

Kylar orders another round, this time of Firewhiskey. It arrives in little Firewhiskey™ shot glasses.

“Orphaned. Rough childhood,” Harry says.

“What?!” Kylar explodes. “Hermione changed it to ‘rough childhood’? We agreed on ‘grew up on the streets’! I should totally have gotten the point on that!”

“I can only go by what’s on the scroll,” Harry says.

They both throw back their Firewhiskey™.

“Invisibility,” Harry says.

“Gotcha on that one,” Kylar says.

“No no no. I’ve got that old invisibility cloak!” Harry says.

“Weak, Harry. It doesn’t even work against powerful wizards.”

Harry shrugs. Kylar sighs. They both drink.

“I’ve got a map!” Kylar says.

“I’ve got whimsically illustrated chapter headers,” Harry says.

“Drat.” They both drink.

“A near drowning,” Harry says. “Mine at the hands of mer-people.” He’s sweating and red-faced from the alcohol.

“I almost drowned too, under the stacks saving a friend.”

“Ah, you saved a friend, too?”

“And faced a dragon to do it,” Kylar says.

“That’s three different lines here,” Harry says. “Couldn’t Hermione have made a more compact list?”

They pound three Firewhiskeys™.

“Ah!” Kylar says. “Awkward relationship with a smokin’ hot redhead! I slaughter you on that one. Vi Sovari.”

“Um, Ginny Weasley,” Harry says.

“Ginny Weasley. Against Vi Sovari? You have got to be sh—”

“Dude,” Harry says, “Ginny’s my wife! Don’t do this to me. C’mon.”

“Dealt with the pressures of fame?” Kylar asks, reading the next one. He definitely loses on that one.

“Yeah!” Harry says quickly. “Clearly both of us had to do that!”

“Fair enough,” Kylar says, taking the trade. They drink.

The table is littered with empty shot glasses and mugs of beer. Harry is weaving in his chair a bit. “I’m thinking we might need to wrap this up, Kylio. I’m afraid I’m a bit tipsy.”

“Faced a god,” Kylar says. “And didn’t come out of it too bad.”

Harry purses his lips. “Guess that’s all yours.” He drinks.

“Looks like we just have one left,” Kylar says. “Pretty much came back from the dead. Cheers.” They both drink.

It leaves them tied.

“What do we do now?” Harry asks.

“We go home. Guess it’s up to the fans now,” Kylar says. He swears under his breath. “Well played, Harry Potter.”

“It was always going to come down to the fans,” Harry says. “It always does.”

They stand and brace themselves on each other. “Woo, might need a bit of help,” Kylar says.

“You’re good people, Kylar Stern,” Harry says, a bit glassy-eyed.

They wander out into the night after Harry graciously puts the drinks on his own tab. It’s a snowy night in Hogsmeade. They walk out with their arms on each others’ shoulders, gradually escaping the evil glare of Mad-Eye Moody. Kylar had thought that Mad-Eye Moody [SPOILER], but Harry assures him that in this alternate only-sort-of-Harry-Potter-world, every character can be found, even a few from much less popular fantasy series. He doesn’t seem to realize that’s an insult, so Kylar lets it go.

Kylar also lets go of something in the snowbank as they stumble and slide.

“‘arry,” Kylar says as they walk. “I feel silly doing this, I mean, asking for this, but, man, can I get your autograph?”

“Sure!” Harry says.

They each check their pockets for something to sign, and Kylar finds a bent piece of parchment. “Can you sign it with your wand?””

“Oh yeah, special wizards’ signature, can’t be faked, and all that,” Harry says. “You muggles gotta get on this.” He draws his wand and zaps his signature onto the parchment. “Oh, hey, I didn’t mean anything by that muggle comment. Are you technically even a muggle anyway?”

“I think while I’m here in your universe I am, but that’s alright. It gives me a little vacation from my own rules. Say, that snatchio thing you do, would you show it to me, or does getting, er, pissed interfere?”

“No, no, I mean, it can interfere, if you lose your concentration, but I’m a pretty advanced wizard these days.”

Kylar says, “Ah, how about this?” He draws a strange, many-barbed weapon from his pack. He throws it into a snow bank ahead of them. “That’s called a ka’kari, show me?”

Harry rolls his shoulders and grins. “Accio, ka’kari!” he says, giving a flick-swish flourish. Nothing happens.

“Cool,” Kylar says.

Accio, ka’kari!” Harry commands. He’s actually got a pretty awesome wizard voice now, and Kylar think it might have been a good call to avoid a straight-on fight. “ACCIO, KA’KARI!” Harry’s voice shakes the trees, and from the snow bank back at The Three Broomsticks, something flies with astonishing speed. It’s small and black and shaped like a spike, and Harry is turned the opposite way, pointing at the snow in front of him.

The ka’kari stabs straight through Harry’s back, goes all the way through his body, and stops, quivering, at the point of Harry’s wand, exactly where it was called.

Harry drops to his knees, and Kylar takes the ka’kari from him. “Sorry, Harry,” Kylar says. “The moderators told me it really had to be a death match. If it makes you feel better, I’m sure your fans will be outraged. They’ll say you didn’t act like you at all.”

Harry pitches over, and Kylar walks back to The Three Broomsticks. The ka’kari treats alcohol like poison and blocks it, so he’s not even tipsy yet. He’ll get there, though. He’s got some celebrating to do. He checks Harry signature, and unrolls the parchment. It’s a transfer of deed. Kylar now owns his own theme park. And Harry was right. That is pretty awesome.

Predicted Winner: Kylar Stern


Check out the previous match from the Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters: Danger Room bracket!

Check out the next match in the Hogwarts: Quidditch Pitch bracket!

Check out the Bracket

Harry Potter is a character from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; Stern is a character from the Night Angel series by Brent Weeks

Harry Potter image courtesy of *sumo0172. Kylar Stern image courtesy of *syku-wolf

Don’t forget–we’re always looking for fans’ depictions of these characters. Check out the details here

Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”


  • James

    FWIW, I was never able to see the buttons for voting when I used Firefox. I had to switch to Explorer (distasteful, but necessary) in order to vote.

  • Meg

    I’m cracking up. This write-up is fantastic. Shattering the fourth wall, whoo!

    Also: he has his own theme park. *dies* XD

  • Frederick

    Can’t vote for Kylar. He didn’t use the ka’kari to destroy the earring attaching him to Vi, just can’t see him being this clever.

  • Darren

    See, this write-up depicts Harry as being a poor Judge of character. I mean, he knows the guys an assassin. On top of that, why should Harry not know the rules if Kyler does?

    Now I can buy that Kyler would attempt trickery, but harry is pretty good at spotting fake smiles. In the first book when he’s like 11 (or is it 12?), he sees through malfoy’s fake smile.

    I’m going to have to opt out of voting in this one though. I’ve only read HP, and I don’t know enough about KS, but I get the feeling that he could probably beat harry potter. But both this write up, and KS’s previous write up have been heavily biased toward KS.

    I’ll be okay with KS beating HP, but this write-up (as PW said) does a poor job portraying HP I think.

    Oh also, HP universe magic requires more intent than vocab. You can say “accio broom” all day long with wand flicks. But without the intention behind it, nothing will happen. but, if you are skilled enough. The intent and wand movement alone can “accio broom”. So don’t buy that harry could kill himself that way.

  • I think face to face potter would win because hed just use magic to keep kyler away, however, in reality this is more of a question of who would win a ninja or a wizard? Well if the wizard walks around unaware that a ninja is in the shadows about to kill him from behind then the wizard doesn’t stand a chance. In other words Kyler would never give potter time to draw his wand in the first place…

  • Alex

    That was a really hilarious write up! Makes me not feel so bad that I was always going to vote for Kylar, because Harry winning would be boring.

  • JOE

    I really hate this Kylar guy, I mean, first he kills Gimli, which is like, impossible, and the prediction of how that would turn out was just as bogus as this one… but then, the majority of the nerds on here seemed to agree with it, so I don’t know. If he can trick the real Gimli into insulting a bunch of elves into shooting him, then he can trick Harry Potter into stabbing himself with a ka-whatsit. No offence, Harry, we all know you’re cooler than all of us.

  • Tori

    Harry’s only weapon would be invalid. The ka’kari absorbs magic. Kylar would win by default.
    And no offense to HP fans, but Harry was NOTHING without his friends.

  • Mary

    EPIC!!! HE stole a Theme Park! How many characters can do that? I love Harry but come on people that was awsome. ROTFLMFAO

  • RyanB

    I love the write up and I love how harry was like “oh yeah Durzo”

    Harry fans, letting you know Kylar has this fight unless he is out voted. The ka’kari eats(absorbs) magic, weapons, pretty much anything it wants to absorb. Kylar is trained to kill, Kylar can also keep coming back as long as there is someone out there that loves him. Kylar can = a god. in fact he kills a goddess. only thing he has against him is he cant kill the innocent. has to trick

    I like harry also, but Kylar has this. but at least it was not Durzo in these fights lol

  • Natasa

    Haha! NEVER saw that coming. Brilliant!

  • mr. awesome

    I don’t know Kylar, but Harry is just… not fit for the cage match (I’m trying to be diplomatic here).

    So despite the write-up being in favor of Kylar again, while being a little degrading about his opponents he gets my vote.

    Besides, he needs to get far; else Gimli would’ve died in vain.

  • Bryan


    Of Course the two write ups have a heavy bias towards KS….they were written by Brent Weeks, the author and creator of KS. I assume that if JK Rowlings had written a write up, HP would be favored in her version.

  • Mess

    Heh, that really made me laugh. The write-ups for Kylar Stern (yes, it’s Kylar with an “a”) are always really good for a laugh. Which, like Kylar mentions in this round, is probably because they need to use the satire to avoid messy legal situations with some very powerful franchises (like Harry Potter). Breaking the fourth wall here was a great move. I can’t wait to see Kylar’s theme park.

    Though I must admit I was looking forward to some real fights between the characters. Those of us that have read the Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings books in addition to the Night Angel books know that the outcomes were foregone conclusions. (Yes, Gimli is a fantastic fighter, but against Kylar he was always going to lose.) But it would still have been fun.

  • ebor

    Haha, that was a GREAT writeup, I’m sharing with my friends =) The thought Brent Weeks put into it alone should win him the match. Though even in a straight up fight without deception, I’m pretty sure Kylar would win. One is a powerful, resourceful magic-user. The other is a powerful, resourceful magic-user who kills people on a regular basis. Given how much crying Harry did whenever someone died in the books, there’s no way he’d be able to beat Kylar. * HP Spoiler Alert * He wasn’t even willing to actually kill Voldemort himself in the final battle, but rather relied on a rather fortunate series of events to cause Voldemort to kill himself. With Harry’s destiny finally fulfilled, I wonder if that could be counted upon in the future?

  • Kyler is decimating Harry already..

    That was awesome! I absolutely loved reading that.

    By the way Mr. Weeks, your books are far better then J.K Rowling’s, in my opinion.

  • Wish I could edit My last post, it’s”Kylar”

  • Steven

    Kylar eats magic. The hell is Potter even to do? +1 to Kylar.


    Allot of people who have not read brents books may think he is being overly weighted to his own character you are wrong. Kylar is winning because of his match ups harry potter verses a guy who can eat magic is an unfair fight when you take into account that physically kyllar is a stronger person faster more agile and trained at killing vs a wizard whose only real weapon is magic and put it against something impervious to magic the fight is allready decided. In his first fight again we have someone with no legit chance to kill him someone who is a. not a trained fighter for there entire life and b was physically slower and c had no way to deal with the fact kyllar can be invisible and just walk up and stab these guys if they weren’t good guys. The whole reason he has written them the way he has is because his characters only weakness is his inability to kill innocents with his own hands….

  • DAVId

    MARCH 12, 2012 AT 2:21 PM

    Of Course the two write ups have a heavy bias towards KS….they were written by Brent Weeks, the author and creator of KS. I assume that if JK Rowlings had written a write up, HP would be favored in her version.
    @ Bryan
    actually i doubt they would as a fan of both series anyone who had read them both (im assuming she would have read his book before writing) would understand that harry has no way to kill kylar and kylar couldnt really kill harry cause hes an innocent so she would have likely written in someway for harry to die but magically be alive but once you have knowledge of what kylars powers actually are he is pretty much impossible to kill using magic.

  • bartios

    Man, I’m really looking forward to KS’s first fight with an “evil” character…
    That’s gonna be awesome.

  • David

    Great work Brent!

  • That was an awesome write-up, Brent! I love how you just poke fun at the cage match – which is what it really is – for fun! And the drinking game was a fantastic change of scenery. I would have liked it to end with Harry passed out, but a death match is a death match.

    The win goes to Kylar, hands down, for stealing the theme park alone. But others have said it, the ka’kari eats magic and Harry casts magic. Even when you take away the ka’kari and Harry’s wand, Kylar clearly has the upper hand. Kylar had made his first gruesome kill when he was 11, Harry just boarded the Hogwarts Express on his 11th birthday. No contest.

  • Samuel

    I see the Stern fans are out in force.

    Potter should win, though. For all of Kylar’s storied powers, there’s just no getting away from the fact that he is incredibly bad at what he does. He must have been captured, stabbed, shot, and caught in the act more than any other fictional assassin in history. He only really got the wins due to superior magical firepower. Harry Potter can teleport, fling death spells all day with no ill effects, and rip Kylar’s body apart with literally a single thought.

    In a situation like that, I can see Kylar going down easy.

  • George


    I am a die hard Potter fan, who is currently finishing the Night Angel Trilogy. I love Harry, but Kylar would win in the Cage Match style. I could get really nerdy and argue the differences in Magic in the various universes and what not, which could give Harry an edge, but in the Cage Match format it goes to Kylar, and that’s that.

    No fault to Harry, but he is a Children/Young Adult’s hero, who is anti-murder specifically because of it’s impact on his life. He’s only the one seed because it’s set on the Quidditch pitch! If he were to win I would actually consider THAT the upset.

    Kylar is written for Adults. He is bad ass, and he lives in a very kill or be killed world. The Cage Match therefore goes to him. Hands down. Also Kudos to Brent Weeks for caring enough about his character to actually do the write-ups! Awesome way to show us fans that he cares! (Although his Harry is a bit naive and douchey! ha ha!)

    I’ll take shot to Kylar’s victory and a shot to Harry’s memory!

  • Samuel

    Ahh, scratch that about Potter ripping him apart with a thought. I forgot Kylar had the magic power to stop all magic.

    Lol, can Kylar’s next opponents be Moiraine Damodred and Anomander Rake? Please?

  • Novouto

    Ah, the battle of the ages, great literature and bad literature facing off. Time to rally the potter fans.

  • I would love to see Moiraine face off against Kylar, if for no reason other than to see if
    Kylar’s Ka’Kari would protect him from Moraine’s Balefire or from her opening up a gateway to cut him in half. Or heck since Moraine cant use the power as a weapon unless threatened and Kylar cant harm a good guy (or girl in this. case), unless i misunderstand his restraints, could they just end up siting there trying to trick the other into killing themself?

  • Archer

    nailed the write up. nailed it. Kylar Stern plays dirty.

  • Twinkletoes

    All the guys talking about the writeups being in Kylar’s favor. They’re using these writeups because Brent Weeks author of the night angel series was gracious enough to write them. If Rowling or Tolkein wrote the writeups, I’m sure they wouldve been heavily biased toward the other side.

  • my_own_clan

    bwahahahahahahaha! FTW!

  • TheSaintWithinTheSinner

    @Novouto: Judging by your comment here, and on the previous Kylar match, I can say you’ve probably never read the Night Angel trilogy. (I am sorry if this assumption is wrong) I, along with many others who commented and voted here, have read both series, and can honestly say they are both good, but in this case my vote has to go for Kylar. Nothing personal. Do I hate Potter fans or think J.K. Rowling wrote a bad series? No. I just chose to vote for Kylar, having read both series, I think he would be more likely to win in a cage match. But just because my vote goes towards one side doesn’t mean I have to insult the other. At least have a bit of courtesy, will you? There are ways to express who you think should win without being rude and sounding ignorant.

  • Oraymw

    I honestly don’t think Harry would be able to beat Kylar. I mean, he could use magic to explode the ground and kill Kylar, or lots of other things. But Harry just isn’t as wise as many other magic users, on account of being so young. We can’t even be sure that he’ll remember the right spells. Of course, he also has an invisibility cloak, which would give him a little bit of a fight. I mean, if Kylar gets his uber-artifact, then Harry must get his. But I still think the fight would edge in Kylar’s favor.

    Of course, I don’t think he has much chance against Moiraine or Anomander. Those guys actually know how to deal with people that are immune to magic.

  • wcarter4

    A boy wizard versus a magic devouring, functionally immortal Wetboy (don’t call him an assassin they hate that). I just don’t see a way of Harry to win this one.

  • Kyo

    An excellent write up! Of course I’m still flying the ‘Kylar is Immortal’ flag here but even if he wasn’t I think he would win. They are both good natured guys and Harry prooved in seven books he doesn’t have it in him to kill anyone. Ofc Brent is gonna be prejudiced towards Kylar becasue he WROTE the NA triology mostly from Kylar’s PoV. Loving how he has bested the two most famous fantasy series in two consecutive rounds, seriously if he comes up against Moiraine from WoT at some point….

  • rainysun

    In my opinion… Kylar would would wipe the floor with potter. but if we think about what artifacts they both can weild it would be more accurate to determine winner.
    Kylar has the Black Ka’Kari as it is, the blade the Ka’kari covers is Iures, it can make and unmake any spell/weave at will and can change anyform. (S.O.L for harry) lets say Kylar had Curoch the most powerful sword in Midicryu; while Harry has the most “powerful” wand and some amulet or something they always are looking for EVERYWHERE with his lil homies haha.

    Yah the wand is powerful n all but Curoch and Iures in hand…Kylar is literally invicinable.
    1+ fer Azoth!

  • Hmm, I haven’t heard of Moraine, but I’m still certain that Kylar would win. I mean, he is pretty much immortal.

  • Also, Kylar can absorb magic, and the Ka’Kari can devour pretty much anything.

    so, Moraine wouldn’t be able to use magic against him, meaning all she has is physiquel attacks, or using magic in an indirect way.

    Now, if someone could educate me on what this person can do, it might be different, I don’t know.

    There is still the tiny fact that Kylar cannot die……At least, as long as someone loves him.

  • Summer B.

    Even though Kylar can come back to life when he dies, a kill is still a kill. If HP somehow managed to kill Kylar, the death would still count, since its a ‘death match’ not a ‘stay dead’ match.

    I personally think it rather unfortunate that these two characters had to come up against each other. One is from children’s books in which the hero does not kill, and the other is from adult books in which the callous anti-hero kills all the time. It was completely uneven, but Brent Weeks did a good job of keeping it amusing and fairly free of gore. So no horrendous death for HP fans’ favorite character.

  • Tim

    ^this^ on Kylar’s immortality. They only need to kill him once to get the win.

    But I’d be surprised if more than a couple, if any, could even manage that, honestly. Although I haven’t read about some of the really superpowered characters, I just don’t see anything that could beat Kylar at this stage, now that he actually knows how to work himself and the ka’kari.

  • Lysander

    Hilarious write-up! This seriously made my day! Just saying though, if Moiraine killed Kylar the way she should, he wouldn’t be able to ‘come back’, there wouldn’t be any Kylar to ‘come back’ to.

  • I’m talking about a straight fight. Even so, Kylar can absorb magic, and can use any weapons. I just don’t see anyone in this cage match that can beat him….

  • DAVId

    @ lee Monroe
    Im currently reading the WOT series and am very familiar with the NA series from the way i understand things kylar could be killed by only 1 of Moraines techniques called balefire. Balefire essentially unmake matter and magic in the same way that Kylar can unmake magic with the ka’kari. so Balefire may have what it takes to take him down. As for if she would even get a chance to use it or would be an innocent to kylar i am unsure, the books do say she was willing to do anything for the dragon reborn to make it to the final battle and that sounded to me like it included some less then righteous activities.

  • Adam

    Lol better than the Gimli one the endnig made me laugh well done, Kylar all the way, sorry harry =P

  • Megann

    @Joe: You have to remember that this is a competition. When Harry’s name was drawn out of the Goblet of Fire he needed help from Cedric, Mad Eye, Hermione, and Ron to some extent. At that point he wasn’t the greatest Wizard in the UK, let alone Hogwarts. Hermionie tried to help him and by the sound of it actually put the work on it to try to save her friend’s life. Madeye was there to keep Kylar from using a wide array of poisons that he has access to. And it would just be like Harry not to research weapons used anywhere else besides in the modern magical world. (Not referring to the Ka’kari here.)
    Kylar – and you should really go read the books they are amazing – is a wetboy, a skilled assassin who uses magic, he has to be clever in his line of work. I could continue but it’d be full of spoilers.
    Honestly when I read the Gimli battle I felt like it could either way.

  • Darthcaz

    @Summer B. Callous anti-hero? I strongly disagree. Kylar is anything but callous. He struggles with his lot in life and eventual destiny as the Night Angel. He only kills those who deserve death, as seen from the last two write ups. He is a hero who triumphs over the horrors that life has given him (including killing almost all those he holds dear and denying him the girl he loves) to become a force for justice. His mentor Durzo may be considered callous in the beginning, but as the story develops he too is seen to be a man with strong morals and a desire to do good.


    The match up just doesn’t work… An assassin as well trained as kylar is would never engage in a 1 on 1 fight with someone like HP. He would put contact poison on HPs door handle! Or make himself look like one of HPs friends and stab him in the back.

    And if it was literally a cage match so they have to fight head to head Kylar would still win… He can destroy magic making HPs magic useless. And because Kylar is primarily a melle fighter and invisible (Unless HP has the skill of a vurdmeister) HP wouldn’t stand a chance, a single scratch and he’s dead!

    I can only think of one book that has a character who could (Potentially) kill Kylar. Joseph Delaney – The spooks apprentice. The main character can bind people with his silver chain and attack with a staff, oh, and you know, stop time… And Grimalkin, the ‘Best witch assassin’ could also (Maybe) kill him. She’s a master of all melle weapons and throwing knifes and has magic which she can use like a wetboy…
    Did I mention these two people bound the Fiend?

  • Not Telling

    Tom Ward, however, is not a very good fighter when it comes to people. He must be concentrating VERY hard to slow time, and a staff with a small sivler spike won’t do much. Grimalkin, however, may have a chance.

    This whole fight goes against ‘The Ka’Kari eats magic’ argument.. If so, how did Harry summon it?

    The correct ‘Teleport’ term would be Apparate.

    And yes, intent also matters, as shown in book five. You must want the effects to happen in order for them to happen.

    Though, stealing the theme park was awesome.

    @suvudu people
    Could we have bi-weekly popular demand matches in the off season. I mean if one is requested enough now, you do it during the wait? For example, Rand al’Thor versus Anomander Rake. THAT would be an awesome match.

  • Not Telling

    Oh and @DARKFLIGHT
    Two words. Anomander Rake.

  • Spindle

    Rake would Dragnipur Kylar. Simple.

    Fangirling aside, I like this write-up. It’s a fun read.
    My vote goes to Kylar.

  • Blaise

    I read both book series, but like many people said, I am really not surprised Kylar won because he is so BA. Plus, I just really appreciate Brent’s writing style and his ability to weave humor from beginning to end.

  • JOE

    Who wants to bet that Kylar’s going to win the entire Cage Match? Anyone?

  • Chosen

    I’ll take that bet Joe, I’ll put my money on Moiraine and the WOT fanboys and girls.

  • Chris

    Now, now Chosen, last year we got a hold of ourselves and managed to let Perrin lose (after a series of highly improbable victories). No, the real question is who would win a fight: Rake or Kylar? I’d put money on Rake.

  • Brandon

    @ Chris, I would never count Kylar out, if you read what he became at the end of the series I’d say anyone using magic is in trouble.

  • Dunkkan

    I gotta say Kylar FTW!!!

  • Victory

    Hey, Kylar can’t lose. He can’t be killed, is invulnerable to magic, has an enormous Talent, and (if you discount the events of the last chapter or three of the books) he wields Iures, the Staff of law, also known as Retribution.

  • Yeah, he definitely has a chance to win the whole thing. With Irues, he’s pretty much invincible. Anyone with magic isn’t going to be able to use it.

    I don’t know about this Balefire thing, but if its a type of magic, its useless against Kylar, the Ka’Kari will just devour the magic.

    If I had to bet, I would put money on Kylar.

  • wcarter4

    @Lee Monroe

    I don’t see Kylar having a strong a chance against Moraine as you might think. Aes Sedi use the one power not just directly but to cause natural things (such as lightning strikes) as a result of their magic but not made of it.

    Just FYI Balefire (which I don’t think would work on Kylar since it IS made directly from the One Power) is described as a stream or bar of ultra hot white light. It retroactively unmakes anything it touches. If for instance a powerful Aes Sedi hit someone with a stream of balefire at 8:00 p.m. he or she would literally cease to exist as of say 7:47 p.m. (stronger channelers can erase more time, weaker ones only say a few seconds) and everything that they had done in the intervening time would have been undone. Balefire’s danger comes in that messing with the timeline like that runs the risk of pulling apart the very fabric of space time.

  • Renoog

    I’d just like to point out that Kylar doesn’t have Iures anymore. It was lost from it at the end of the last book. While I’m a Kylar fan and imagine he will go close to winning this, it’s unfair to discount the last section of the book simply because it’ll increase Kylar’s chances. I imagine for instance the super-fast healing (cant think of what exactly it was called) Kylar showed at the end won’t be discounted.

    Also if he still had Iures wouldn’t Brent have specifically mentioned it in the weapon’s sections? seeing as it would significantly improve his chances.

  • Not Telling

    @Lee Monroe
    A WoT channeler can use almost all of their magic, with the exception of Balefire, on him. This is because their magic creates effects in the actual world. Kylar will NOT be protected from a pit opening up beneath him or a strong (as in hurricane force) gust of wind. Balefire, however, is made from the pure magic of that world, and would be eaten.

  • Vëo

    Kylar would win most fights I could think of, but I’d bet money on Gauis Octavius from Codex of Alera. Since Furies are not magic I feel Tavi would have a solid chance. I read both series. Love them both, but , no offense to kylar, Tavi is just far more intelligent and cunning and with equal speed, strength, and training I think Tavi would stand a solid chance.

  • lee

    paarthrix from skyrim win lololololololol

  • Trevis

    Lol…Granny Weatherfax takes care of Kylar with ease…..IMFAO all the way to the bank!!!

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