Cage Match 2012: Round 4: Granny Weatherwax versus Mr. Wednesday


The Contestants


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Esmerelda “Esme” Weatherwax
Age: It’s rude to ask a Witch her age
Race: Witch
Weapons / Artifacts: Flying broomstick

Mr. Wednesday
Odin All-father
Age: Unknown
Race: God
Weapons / Artifacts: None (but he does have two ravens)
Master of the Twice-Nine Charms

The Breakdown


  • Incredibly powerful witch
  • Particularly skilled at tricking people without using magic
  • Can “Borrow” another’s senses

  • American incarnation of Odin, has access to almost boundless magical power
  • A master con artist, he prefers to use his charm and skill at manipulation to direct attacks
  • The Twice-Nine Charms include the ability to heal with a touch; to turn aside the weapons of an enemy; and to turn back spells upon their caster

  • Committed to doing “Right”

  • It ain’t easy being the god of a dying religion


  • The Escapist
    You can’t escape the chains of death
  • Claire Haskell
    She just couldn’t hack it
  • Revan
    Too bad there weren’t Force ghosts before A New Hope

How we think the fight will go

After the match, the survivors—only seven of them, out of twenty thousand spectators in Unbound Worlds Stadium—were interviewed. The testimonials of these witnesses were the only record remaining of the battle between Mr. Wednesday and Granny Weatherwax. There was no video, though bits and pieces of the cameras were later recovered from the rubble. No written record, either—somehow all tweets and comments sent from the stadium had been eradicated from existence. And nothing remained of the other spectators but piles of ash.

The first survivor could say nothing but “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!” and in fact, could not seem to stop screaming it repeatedly.

The second whispered “Blood…” before passing into a coma. She has not yet woken up.

The third made a number of sounds that vaguely resembled speech, but was in no language that the investigators, including the ones from Discworld, could identify.

The fourth spoke quietly and evenly. He said, “For a long time nothing happened. They just had a conversation. No, I didn’t hear anything they said.” He remembered nothing at all after that. He had also forgotten his name, where he lived, and whether he was from Earth, Asgard, or Discworld.

The fifth would speak of nothing else but his bracket.“I had Granny out in the first round. I thought she wasn’t as powerful as she was said to be. That it was all just trickery. But now that I’ve seen the extent of her powers…man, she may be more powerful than anyone in Wheel of Time or Malazan, even.”

The sixth was Shadow, and he said, “I’m sorry that Mr. Wednesday is gone. And that’s all I have to say about it.”

The seventh was Nanny Ogg. When she was asked about the match, she laughed for a good hour straight, grinned her terribly indecent grin, and lit her pipe. “Oh, that Esme,” she said, “She hasn’t even begun to show you what she can do.”

Predicted Winner: Granny Weatherwax


Check out the previous match from the Starfleet Academy: Holodeck bracket!

Check out the next match in the Hogwarts: Quidditch Pitch bracket!

Check out the Bracket

Granny Weatherwax is a character from the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett; Mr. Wednesday is a character from American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Granny image courtesy of Victor Gollancz, Ltd. Mr. Wednesday image courtesy of HarperCollins.

Don’t forget–we’re always looking for fans’ depictions of these characters. Check out the details here

Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”