Cage Match 2013 Round 3: Bene Gesseriti vs. Inigo Montoya

 

The Contestants


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Bene Gesseriti
Dune by Frank Herbert
Age: Various ages
Race: Humanoid
Weapons / Artifacts: Long-term deception, courtesan-style training, and the bond of sisterhood
Special
Attack:
Weirding Way, The Voice, and Deception

Inigo Montoya
William Goldman’s The Princess Bride
Age: 31
Race: Spaniard
Weapons / Artifacts: A sword made for a six-fingered man
Special
Attack:
He’s not left-handed

The Breakdown

Advantages

  • Years of physical and mental conditioning
  • Can turn poison in their bodies into harmless toxins
  • Acute observational skills
  • Can pass on memories through Spicy Agony
Advantages

  • Master of swordplay
  • Fueled by vengeance
Disadvantages

  • Dependent on melange, which can lead to death if addicted
Disadvantages

  • A bit of a drunk
  • Works for a Sicilian
Kills

Kills

More like Med-Die-Ya


How we think the fight will go


ACT 3 SCENE ONE: The Castle Hall

Three women dressed in long black cloaks standing in a large room. Its walls are lined with bas-relief decoration and hand-painted plaster and brick decorating the upper parts of the walls. The ceiling has constellations of stars shifting ever so slightly every thirty seconds. In the center of the room is a large ornamental chair situated on a dais. Behind it is a large blue and gold tapestry. At the center is an image of a ship with its sail at full mast. On the right wall is a window that goes from floor to ceiling. Outside the sun is shining upon a glistening sea and rolling green hills. On the left wall is a large door with an ornate iron knocker.

YOUNG ONE
Why are we here, Reverend Mother? Why did you insist on coming here? Folding space is expensive.

OLD CRONE
There is space enough for this. We stop here for your final test. What do you see?

YOUNG ONE
It seems to be a place of power. A place where minor kings play at being gods. Nothing like my father’s throne room.

MIDDLE-AGE ONE
Be careful not to judge who is not a god. Arrogance and fear is what caused your father to lose his throne. Plotting against greater man than he to keep what was never his to take. We barely saved you.

OLD CRONE
Enough of your lecturing. Your feelings are well known. However, she is here to be tested.

YOUNG ONE
I am out of patience with the games you play, old woman. Hopping us from place to place with no real purpose. The time on the lost island was useless. Tell me why we are here or return me to heighliner above.

MIDDLE-AGE ONE
Reverend Mother, the girl is not up to the task. There are others. Her bloodline has already proven to be a failure. Why test her?

OLD CRONE
Enough of this squabbling, the both of you! I sense the person we have come to see is near. He has simple desires: wine and vengeance. So hush while I convince him to hear our cause.

MIDDLE-AGE ONE
Reverend Mother, the girl is made of empty words and silly behavior. She thinks this is the stuff of politics. You taught me our task means survival. Why trust her?

OLD CRONE
Once again, I say enough. You know this has to happen. (She looks toward the door.) Ready yourselves. He approaches.

Entering the room is a man in his early thirties. He has dark features and a mustache, and wears a dark brown leather vest, a white tunic shirt, and leather pants. His boots are black with a sturdy buckle. At his waist is a beautiful rapier. He sees the three women when he enters the room. He walks forward and makes a simple bow.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. What are you doing here in the throne room?

MIDDLE-AGE ONE
We have come seeking a sword master.

OLD CRONE
(OLD CRONE gives MIDDLE-AGE ONE a look of annoyance. Then turns back to INIGO with a motherly smile.)
Master Montoya, Duncan Idaho has told me of your skill. I wish you to test my student. It would be an honor for you to do the valuation.

INIGO
(Surprised at the statement, he takes a step back.)
Duncan Idaho, you say. (He shakes his head in negative fashion.) I don’t know a gentleman by that name. Is he a bartender at the Den of Despair? As for my lowly skills, they would not do you much honor. You should just ask Vizzini.

OLD CRONE
(OLD CRONE stares at INIGO intently. After a long pause, she takes a deep breath and pitches her voice.)
Master Montoya, Duncan Idaho did tell me of your skill. Lying to me will not end well for you. It can be quite painful. Speak the truth.

INIGO
Madame, there is no reason to sound like that. I don’t know a Duncan Idaho. Maybe it’s one of Vizzini’s aliases. He is Sicilian after all and he lies often. Does he owe you money? Let me go fetch him for you.

MIDDLE-AGE ONE
(A dark, mad laugh bubbles out of her.)
I knew it! Duncan would never have sent us to a real sword master. He is nothing but a fool.

OLD CRONE whips her head around to look at the MIDDLE-AGE ONE. She looks furious. The MIDDLE-AGE ONE stops laughing and starts to choke. Grabbing at her throat as if she cannot breath, she starts to fall to the ground.

INIGO
(He shifts his foot back and slightly to the right. He angles his body as if to prepare to pull his sword.)
Stop that right now or prepare to die.

OLD CRONE
Master Montoya, you can admit to knowing who Duncan Idaho is or I can kill her with my next thought. The choice is yours.

INIGO
(He draws his sword and his eyes harden.)
Witch, Idaho may or may not have told you about me. But he certainly told me about you. Don’t you try to use the voice again! Release her or you will die before your next breath.

The OLD CRONE and INIGO stare at each other for a moment. Suddenly the swordsman lunges forward. The OLD CRONE cries out and grabs her shoulder. MIDDLE-AGE ONE is now on the floor, panting. YOUNG ONE stands there wide-eyed. INIGO steps back with his sword still drawn.

MIDDLE-AGE ONE
Thank you, Master Montoya (she pauses to take a deep breath) for your help. She was killing me.

INIGO
(He smirks and rolls his eyes.)
Witch, I no more believe that than when Vizzini tells me that job is above board. So tell me what you want.

OLD CRONE
(OLD CRONE using her sleeve to stem the blood coming from her wound, she reaches slowly into her pocket.)
Master Montoya, this is Duncan’s daughter. He told me of you because he wants to make sure she knows what she is doing. Here is the letter.

INIGO
(He shakes his head in a negative fashion.)
Witch, we still burn Bene Gesserit on planet Florin. I know you are capable of poisoning me with a touch. Use the tongue in your head to tell me what you want.

OLD CRONE
(OLD CRONE nods her head at the YOUNG ONE, seemingly to encourage her.)
Speak up. I don’t plan to bleed to death on this rock.

YOUNG ONE
I want a duel. (She says this all in one breath.)

INIGO
(He tilts his head and taps his finger on his lips as if in thought.)
To first five hits? To the first blood? To the death? What kind of duel are you discussing here? You should be specific about these things.

YOUNG ONE looks with panic at INIGO. She then turns to OLD CRONE with a beseeching look. OLD CRONE rolls her eyes.

OLD CRONE
How about a duel to the pain?

INIGO
(He drops his sword to his side and lets loose a deep sigh.)
Madame, do I look like the Dread Pirate Roberts to you? If you wish to duel, then let’s do it properly.

YOUNG ONE
You would duel a woman?

INIGO
In general? No, I wouldn’t duel a woman. If Vizzini tells me to, I would certainly think about it. But for vengeance, most definitely, Witch!

YOUNG ONE
I never did anything to you. For what do you seek vengeance?

INIGO
It is true you have not dishonored me in any way. But the sisterhood dishonors men in general! Look at what you have done to the men in your sector of the universe. There is Idaho, Atreides, and every other male you have abused to get your bloody Kwisatz Haderach! I seek vengeance on their behalf.

YOUNG ONE
(She turns to the OLD CRONE and MIDDLE-AGE ONE with a look of shock upon her face.)
He can’t be serious! Tell me that he is not serious.

INIGO
(He smirks and scoffs.)
No, I am not serious. But it has been a slow day. Fezzik is taking a nap, Vizzini is off gambling, and I promised not to drink too much. I have been waiting for Westley and Buttercup to get back all morning. A duel is something to do. (He draws his sword.) En garde!

YOUNG ONE
Wait, I am not ready!

INIGO
(He drops his sword to his side.)
Fine, get ready. Take your time.

YOUNG ONE throws off her dark cloak and reveals a woman clothed in a black tunic and long, tight, black pants, bound together with a rope at her waist. Her face has scrunched up in anger. She slowly drew a sword from her belt, the blade making a hissing whisper as it is removed from the sheathe. All the while, she is holding INIGO firmly in her gaze.

INIGO
(He looks on, unfazed by the actions of his opponent. He stretches out his neck and arms.)
Care to stretch a little bit? No? Okay, then. Where were we? Ah, yes. En garde!

She rushes at Inigo. He dips and weaves right as she is about to reach him and slashes downward with the sword. She parries with her blade. He sidesteps to the right just enough and the blade passes within a hair’s breath from his face.

Quickly, before Inigo can respond with a follow-up, she swiftly punches him in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of the Spaniard, and stunning him for a brief moment.

The fight had taken them dangerously close to the edge of the window and Inigo has his back almost to the wall when Inigo moves to push this duel back toward the middle of the room. Advancing. Advancing. Inigo charges at the Crone with the blade upheld, going to his foreswing and following it with a backswing. She dodges the first and meets the second with her sword. The weight of the swing sends Inigo’s blade back, but not far enough to knock it from his hands.

Inigo’s years of practice helps him recover quickly. He strikes back in a parrying move that slices the fabric of her shirt at the midsection. It misses the flesh behind it by only a centimeter.

She staggers. He swings. His rapier misses. She smirks, and manages to dodge spryly at his next attempt. Inigo is impressed, but now he is annoyed. He has no intention of losing this fight. He is done toying with her.

Young One senses the mood shift in her opponent. She tries to push Inigo back toward the window but now he is swinging and parrying with speed, forcing her to choose with each step between a step back or the spilling of her own blood. The Spaniard is quick and his tells are nearly impossible to trace. She comes to decision. Finesse is not going to help here.

Young One quickly performs a handspring to create more space between them. She crouches and swings at his feet just as he moves forward. Inigo jumps to miss the blade and she explodes from the ground toward his rising form. She grabs the Spaniard around the waist, twisted mid air, and arches the two of them toward the wall, easily angling his head toward the raised lip of a wooden lighting fixture.

Inigo collides with the wall and his head plows through the woodwork with a cracking and crunching as the wood shatters under the enormous pressure of the attack.

Young One lets go and lands with ease on her feet. She looks back at him and a look of brief sadness flashes across her face. Inigo slowly slides down the wall into an awkward position on the floor. Though his head struck solidly, he is still breathing.

YOUNG ONE
That had to hurt. (She looks down at one of her hands and notices one of her nails bleeding.)
Damn it! I broke a nail!

OLD CRONE
Apparently, the sleeper has awakened.

End Scene


Predicted Winner: Bene Gesserit



NOTE: THIS MATCH ENDS ON Friday, March 22th, 2013, AT 5 PM, EST

Check out all the Cage Match 2013 posts!

Check out the round 1 recap and Cage Match 2013 Bracket!

Check out the round 2 recap and Cage Match 2013 Bracket!



Bene Gesserit is a character from Dune by Frank Herbert; Inigo Montoya is a character from William Goldman’s The Princess Bride.


Bene Gesserit image courtesy of Universal Pictures. Inigo Montoya image courtesy of MGM.


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