Cage Match 2013 Round Two: The White Witch vs. Tripods


The Contestants


The White Witch
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, by C. S. Lewis
Age: At least 1000 Narnia years
Race: Humanoid
Weapons / Artifacts: Sword,  magic wand
Turns victims to stone with her magic wand
War of the Worlds, by H.G. Wells
Age: Unknown
Race: Martian
Weapons / Artifacts: Prehensile tentacles, heat ray, chemical weapon, red weed
Tentacles have blood-draining

The Breakdown


  • Incredible physical size and strength
  • Battle-hardened
  • Beguiles with her beauty

  • Technologically superior

  • Impatient
  • Overconfident
  • Her magic has limits in realms outside her own

  • Vulnerable to microbial life


How we think the fight will go

When the first reports arrived of strange warmongering giants in the east, Jadis paid no attention, aside from turning the messengers to stone for having wasted her time with pointless chatter. But as days went by and more eyewitnesses arrived at the castle, it became indisputable that something was truly amiss in Narnia. The Witch sent out a small, churlish scouting army of ogres, wolves, and giant bats, figuring they’d return with blood on their fangs – or nothing at all. Either way, the matter would be put to rest soon enough.The following evening one lone bat returned, all the hair scorched off of its body. The wounded animal reported to Jadis that all in its crew had been lost. The giants were horrors covered in silver armor, with long grasping arms and tall skeletal legs. The earthbound creatures had been blanketed in a thick, black smoke that killed them instantly; the bats circled above the fray until sudden blasts of heat began to pick them out of the sky one by one. This bat had barely escaped with its life, and in fact it perished in her arms immediately upon having recounted its tale.

It was rare in Narnia to find oneself at war with so little warning, but Jadis knew her response must be equally swift and violent. If beasts of flesh and blood failed to make an impression on these marauders, she would rise to meet them with all the ghosts, spirits, spectres, incubi, wraiths, and efreets she could summon.

The night sky practically churned with her minions as the Witch set out toward the East in a featherweight chariot drawn by two enormous owls. It was her intention to sight the giants by midnight, when her army’s powers were at their strongest and the enemy was most likely to be caught slumbering. Even at a distance and by moonlight, the territory occupied by the giants could be recognized as plainly as if it had been colored in on a map – a strange weed had grown over every stick and stone until the earth itself appeared to be soaked in blood. Several packs of her plant spirits stopped midflight and would go no further. Fools! She would deal with them later.

The giants slept not. There were three of them, traveling quite close in a pack. Jadis could see their strange lanterns glowing and blinking from quite far off. Despite the very stars being blotted out by her army, the towering figures did not alter their pace or sound an alarm. It was impossible to tell whether they had anticipated her arrival, or were totally indifferent to it. This latter could not be tolerated.

With her wand in one hand and her longest, sharpest sword in the other, the Witch leapt from her chariot down the top of the nearest giant’s strange domed head, determined to find the weak place in its armor. In a matter of moments she locating a slotted grille embedded in the shiny surface; Jadis raised her sword and, with a triumphant cry, she plunged it deep into the grille – nearly to the hilt.

A terrific shock seized her arm, snapping the blade in two and throwing her backward, off of the dome and into empty space. As she fell, she saw greasy smoke belching forth from where the stump of her sword stuck out. But before she could congratulate herself on scoring a blow, she was plucked out of midair by a slick metal coil. There was a prickling sensation as its barbed surface played across her white marble skin; intuiting what it was they sought, she threw her head back and laughed.

“Drink of my blood, will you? I think not.”

Drawing no more nourishment from her body than it might from a stone statue, the tentacle discarded her, unceremoniously dumping her body to the ground. Jadis was stunned, astonished, and outraged – but uninjured. Overhead she saw that her army had no idea where to begin with these incredible monstrosities; despite their great numbers, they seemed reluctant to make contact with entities so alien and apparently immune to fear.

Raising herself up to her full height, the White Witch lifted her wand until the tip veritably glowed with stolen moonlight. Drawing from reserves of power she’d typically been reluctant to tap, she fired a blast so strong that her heels dug two inches deeper into the earth. The wand itself threatened to snap off in her hand. But her aim was true, and under the swirling night sky she watched as the enormous hulking thing in front of her ground slowly to a stop, its great legs transforming into stone pillars before her very eyes. The other two giants rotated in their tracks to face her, only to be dealt short, sharp blasts of a similar nature.

Jadis grinned cruelly at the sight of their otherworldly lanterns guttering into darkness. Odd – from where she now stood between the three immense stone towers, she could hear a faint commotion somewhere up overhead, like strange voices clamoring from within the granite-encased heads. Ah, she laughed to herself, So I was not the only one who brought a totally ineffectual army to this battlefield.

Her stonecutters would arrive tomorrow, she decided. Not to release the prisoners, but to begin work on a new fortress. It would be fast, as she’d already done half the work for them, providing the perfect skeleton for such a structure. If there were still signs of life from the great braincases by the time her workers reached them, she would relish the opportunity to deal with them then.

Predicted Winner: The White Witch

NOTE: THIS MATCH ENDS ON Friday, March 15th, 2013, AT 5 PM, EST

Check out all the Cage Match 2013 posts!

Check out the round 1 recap and Cage Match 2013 Bracket!

The White Witch is from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe; Tripods are characters from War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells.

The White Witch image courtesy of Disney Enterprises. Tripods image DalekMercy.

Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”