Your Cage Match champion is revealed: Inigo Montoya (823) vs. Gandalf (531)
Cold steel: That’s what it comes to when it’s all said and done. Magic your way out of a sucking chest wound. Pray to your fell demon princes to staunch the flow of your life’s blood spraying from the place where your hand used to be. Go ahead. I’ll wait here.
Even the mighty edicts of the gods themselves fall short of the sword’s undeniable truth: This is death, and when the blade leaves the sheath the dying times begin.
One swordsman stands where the magicians, monsters and gods once fought: Inigo Montoya. Let’s follow the trail of blood that the man left on his path to victory.
Montoya met Medea on the field of battle. Steel met magic. Magic lost. It’s just as well: all of us must eventually put away childish things, like wishes and pixie dust and the mistaken belief that mystical mumbo jumbo can hold against the will of a trained killer.
Captain Nemo then challenged our swordsman. Even the military genius and technological might of the master of the Nautilus wasn’t enough to stop Montoya. Perhaps in death Nemo can find the peace that escaped him in life. Maybe not. In any case, his body has grown cold and we can resign him to the grave.
In the final round, magic returned to bedevil Montoya once more, but this was no mere hedge wizard: It was Gandalf the Grey, and he too was acquainted with the power of steel. Swords clashed and spells were uttered, but in the end only Montoya remained to claim victory.
There he is now: Your champion. Inigo Montoya, master of the blade. We salute you, oh warrior: May your sword edge remain ever sharp and your wine glass be never empty.
The Cage Match is over for another year.