Cage Match 2013: A Champion Revealed


Your Cage Match champion is revealed: Inigo Montoya (823) vs. Gandalf (531)

Cold steel: That’s what it comes to when it’s all said and done. Magic your way out of a sucking chest wound. Pray to your fell demon princes to staunch the flow of your life’s blood spraying from the place where your hand used to be. Go ahead. I’ll wait here.

Final Cage Match 2013 Bracket post

Even the mighty edicts of the gods themselves fall short of the sword’s undeniable truth: This is death, and when the blade leaves the sheath the dying times begin.

One swordsman stands where the magicians, monsters and gods once fought: Inigo Montoya. Let’s follow the trail of blood that the man left on his path to victory.

Montoya met Medea on the field of battle. Steel met magic. Magic lost. It’s just as well: all of us must eventually put away childish things, like wishes and pixie dust and the mistaken belief that mystical mumbo jumbo can hold against the will of a trained killer.

Captain Nemo then challenged our swordsman. Even the military genius and technological might of the master of the Nautilus wasn’t enough to stop Montoya. Perhaps in death Nemo can find the peace that escaped him in life. Maybe not. In any case, his body has grown cold and we can resign him to the grave.

In the final round, magic returned to bedevil Montoya once more, but this was no mere hedge wizard: It was Gandalf the Grey, and he too was acquainted with the power of steel. Swords clashed and spells were uttered, but in the end only Montoya remained to claim victory.

There he is now: Your champion. Inigo Montoya, master of the blade. We salute you, oh warrior: May your sword edge remain ever sharp and your wine glass be never empty.

The Cage Match is over for another year.

View all Cage Match 2013 posts here.

  • Rose

    And then this post makes up for the fact that Gandalf lost. “We salute you, oh warrior” indeed.

    Next year I presume we’ll be back to regular modern authors cage matches. Can we please have an Aussie author next year? Even though American publishers aren’t very good with them? Garth Nix or Jennifer Fallon would be best. Mogget, Sabriel, Kerrigor, or Lirael from Garth Nix, since the next book in that series (Abhorsen Trilogy) hopefully is coming out 2014 anyways–be great preparation. The Immortal Prince Cayal, Damin Wolfblade, Marla Wolfblade, Shananara te’Ortyn, or Dirk Provin from Jennifer Fallon. Would be AWESOME.

    I’d also like to recommend the newish authors Tom Lloyd (Twilight Reign–check out reviews at Elitist Book Reviews) and Rachael Aaron (Legend of Eli Monpress–really unique world, characters) as having suitable cage-matchiness and being new enough they could really use the publicity.

  • wcarter4

    His name is Inigo Montoya. He killed your wizard. Prepare to cry…

  • Archon

    I thought it was a pretty good year for the Tourney. A lot less petty nonsense than usual with a chance to watch some old favorites compete in an arena with far more limited fanboyism. I was thinking that if you want to have a similar effect next year, but at the same time make those people happy that come here looking for new and interesting stories to read, fill the tournament with characters from books and authors that have never been best sellers… That gives those books and authors much needed publicity, keeps from having overwhelming waves of fanboys skewing the votes, and gives people a lot of new options for stuff to read.

  • Rose

    I like your idea Archon, though I doubt that Suvudu will go that way. Part of the objection this year was the dearth of big names to bring in voters. They’ll probably have at least one regular match to remind lots of people about it before trying out something new.

  • Ambarish

    Some anime/manga characters in the mix would be nice next time…
    1. Roronoa Zoro
    2. Ban Midou
    3. Nara Shikamaru
    4. Hashirama Senju
    5. Zaraki Kenpachi
    6. Urahara Kisuke
    7. Hiko Seijūrō

    The list above is a kittens scratch on a Gamabunta sized surface. There are tons of characters with incredible following so there is a risk of fanboysim taking over again, but like this year, its worth it 😀

  • Metacognition

    @wcarter4: heh, are you disappointed in the lack of tears you hoped to gain?

    Archon’s suggestion would be a great secondary tournament. Hell, it would be a great tournament anyways, but it could be almost an appetizer to their typical yearly contest just as easily. Plus, I’ll bet that the author’s would be so happy to get the additional recognition that they’d be more than willing to assist in it!

    I guess I just really, REALLY would love to see these happen more often. Until I hear a logical explanation for it, I don’t see why they couldn’t. I’ve explained in more depth why I think this would be possible before.

    I warn you now, Suvudu… If you don’t jump on this idea, I’m eventually going to do it myself! I’ll create my own Epic-Rap-Battles-of-History-style site that runs these types of tourneys! 🙂 If you need help setting it up, I’d be willing to help in anyway I can and if not, I know plenty of writers who would be willing to help me out, if I were to try it on my own!

    Either way, I’m already looking forward to next year. I think Rose is right, we’re going to see a return to a more traditional Cage Match before they branch out again. I won’t be surprised if they add Mat from WoT next year.

    I always try to check back every now and then, but if I don’t hear from any of you guys until next year, hope your year is a blast!

  • Archon

    Meta… If you do wind up doing your own, you should do it more like the “Screwattack Death Battles”. Although comparative entertainment value is arbitrary from person to person, those are definitely far more like the cage match battle concept than Epic Rap Battles of History… and I’d watch in a heartbeat.

  • Archon

    In fact, now that I think about it… That would be a great idea for Suvudu to do here to draw fans in periodically in between cage-match tournaments… Since the cage match tournaments wind up leaving a LOT of potentially great match-ups on the table without us ever getting to see them, put out a poll to see who people would want to see an individual cage-match between, and do periodic individual cage-match write ups over the course fo the year until the big tourney comes back around… it would be much simpler to do than a huge tourney, and it would drum up more frequent action on the site during the course of the year. In fact, that’s such a cool idea, that if Suvudu implements it, out of appreciation I’ll even pretend that the Suvudu people came up with it 😉

  • Tye

    Jaime vs Rand: ??? votes, 1316 comments
    Quick Ben vs Vin: 8811 votes, 311 comments
    Moraine vs Kylar: 6841 votes, 319 comments
    Inigo vs Gandalf: 1354 votes, 44 comments

    In all fairness, QB vs Vin was seemingly a big cheating year, so the numbers might be a little skewed, but I think we can all see what happens when you remove current, popular characters. The fun of the cage match, for me at least, is to 1. see my favorite characters duke it out, 2. see the fans get involved and discussing the books, 3. see the authors get involved and campaign for their characters, and 4. leave the cage match with a whole list of new books and authors to check out. Yes, there have been some fanatics in the past, but instead of changing the tournament up, lets moderate the forums better.

    Suvudu, I know you guys probably put a lot of work into this every year and for that, I want to say “Thank you!” Please keep this going, lets just get back to our modern characters, your site traffic is way higher that way. 🙂

    Furthermore, here are my combatant requests for next year:
    Berne “Heroes Die”
    Gaborn Val Orden “Runelords”
    Verity “Farseer Trilogy”
    Caul Shivers “Best Served Cold”
    Randall Flag “The Stand”
    Dalinar Kholin “Stormlight Archives”
    Durzo Blint “Night Angel Trilogy”
    Faile “Wheel of Time”
    Mistress Denna “Sword of Truth”
    Llew Silver Hand “Song of Albion”
    Leaf-Eater “Ender Series”
    Abraham Lincoln “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”
    Corinn Akaran “Acacia Series”

  • Metacognition

    Archon: I don’t know whether to thank you or to curse you. I’d never hear of ScrewAttack before and now I know I’m going to go through every single one of them.

    A modification to go with your idea would be to just use the same combatants as that year’s Cage Match, but mix it up. I wouldn’t mind seeing Merlin vs Gandalf or Smaug vs the White Witch. That way, they’re not using up characters for future Cage Matches, but it keeps things interesting throughout the year, rather than for a few weeks in the spring.

  • V

    ”instead of changing the tournament up, lets moderate the forums better” -Tye

    I agree with you Tye! I really want to see my favorite characters fight it out AND discover new realms, and I don’t believe we should be penalized because of fanatics or cheaters. And Mistress Denna from Sword of Truth would be amazing!

  • WoT4Ever

    Lamest tournament ever! and you all know it… Can’t wait until next year when The Wheel can get back to dominating this tournament and letting all these other chumps know who is boss!

  • Leaken

    @Tye – completely agree about going back to more popular characters & lesser known-modern series – the fun comes from seeing your favourite characters fight it out and discovering new ones. As you say, moderation would help with the worst of the fan-rage

    My hopes for next year:
    Dalinar Kholin OR Szeth son-son-Vallano (Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson)
    Xervish Flydd (Well of Echoes by Ian Irvine)
    Cazaril (Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold)
    The Librarian (various Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett)
    High Lord Akkarin (Magicians Guild by Trudi Canavan)

    I’d also like to see Kvothe (Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss) given another go, as his write-ups were so shockingly bad in 2010 and that series definitely deserves better (if not K then maybe Abenthy/Elodin/Haliax?)

  • Archon

    I’m not sure that you people talking about “Board Moderation” fixing the issues, were paying attention in previous tournaments… The VAST bulk of the annoying fanboy posts had nothing profane or even openly insulting in them. When you’re trying to enjoy seeing your “favorite characters fight it out”, and you have tons of fanboys going “Balefire… next”. It takes a lot of the aspects that make this tournament cool and flushes them down the toilet. Plus, as was seen in this year’s tourney, there is likely still a loophole that allows for cheating, and the larger fanbases are far more likely to exploit that.

  • Tye

    The Balefire Brigade didn’t really bother me, it was the few who were downright hostile. In the Kelsier vs Chess fight there were people being incredibly mean to the author. There were people who not only said “Balefire” but proceeded to insult everyone else. Those are the types of people I feel we should censor. Would it make everything perfect? Certainly not, but it would make things a lot better.

    Even if nothing gets done I STILL think a modern tournament is better for the entertainment value, involvement, and introduction to new books.

    Also, I love WoT, its my favorite series, but there is no place for Mat or any channelers in this tournament. They’re too powerful in both abilities and fans. I can very much agree that the Balefire Brigade is annoying, but they bring a lot of people to this site. In 2011 I came because of Dragonmount’s facebook post about Perrin, and I’ve stayed since then (I voted for Paul).

  • wcarter4


    Umm…dude (or dudette however the case may be) I wasn’t actually insulting anyone. I was making a play on the “My name is Inigo Montoya” quote. It was a joke, and not even a mean spirited one.
    I don’t actually care who wins the cage matches and I rarely vote. I just come for the hilarious or hilariously bad write ups and to watch from the sidelines while different series’ fanboys flame one another.
    I will say it’s nice to see a WoT-free cage match for once.

  • Metacognition

    Wcarter4: Dude is fine. THE Dude, if you want to make me feel good.
    Sorry if I took it the wrong way. It was an entertaining play on the quote, so don’t think I was trying to hate on you specifically. Between the controversy over Montoya’s win (see the comments in their cage match) and the asshole-ishness of the internet as a whole, I took your comment in an entirely different light. You’ve got to admit, that’s an easy mistake to make, considering the brevity of your post. Still, again, sorry if I took it the wrong way.

    I wish I had something insightful to add for next year, but I just really wanted to clear that up. No hard feelings and I’m sure I’ll see you around for the Matches next year!

  • wcarter4


    Cool, cool.

  • Band Teacher

    I had fun this year, even if the characters were a little less known. Their classic status meant I actually knew enough about some characters to post intelligently. As a first time poster, I’m grateful nobody ate me alive, especially those whose posts I interacted/commented with/on i.e. Thomas, Metacognition, Archon. Thanks to Suvudu as well.

  • Jlingo

    Cage Fight 2014?

  • Archon

    Just a little early Jlingo… sit tight.

  • Archon

    Getting close now… You can smell the selection fires being lit…

  • Jlingo

    When? When?

  • Archon

    For the past 3 years, the selections had been long made by this point… for the past two years, the opening bracket has been listed by this point… is there going to be a cage match this year?

  • Yes, there is going to be one. 🙂 We are getting close to announcing it. Stay tuned!

  • Archon

    I’m having serious issues with not having new posts show up in these threads for me… In the past it was some issue with the cookies or something, but even if I delete those and refresh, I’m still not seeing the new posts… anyone have any answers?

  • KaapstadMK

    This last year was a good one. I was surprised to see certain of the characters fall so easily, but it was still fun.

    This year, I’d love to see:
    Cohen the Barbarian or Rincewind (Discworld) (or, perhaps, Teatime)
    Binbinaqegabinitek (Dragonbone Chair)
    Queequeg (Moby Dick)
    Fifth Son (Crown of Stars)
    Perrin Aybara (WoT)
    Feanor (Silmarillion)
    Dejah Thoris (Barsoom series)
    Jadis (Narnia)

  • Archon


  • Jlingo

    No cage match this year?

  • Archon

    I asked a week ago… they said to sit tight, that there will be one and they will announce it soon.

  • Here is the announcement. Told ya it would be soon. 🙂

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