How we think the fight will go
Welcome to 300th annual Post-Apocalyptic Person of the Galaxy pageant. I am your host, Evelyn Endtimes. This pageant is species and gender neutral. That means any living sentient being can win. The winner of this competition will walk away with one temporal vortex jump, a lifetime pass to Risa, and the broadcasting of their message across the known galaxies.
Before we start, a little history for our newest viewers. The Post-Apocalyptic Person of the Galaxy is an annual intergalactic event that is run by the Federations of Donald Trump. Along with the Miss Old Earth, Miss Colonies, Miss Milky Way, Miss Federation, Miss Nonhuman Species and various other Miss Planetary contests, this pageant is one of the four largest beauty pageants in the universe. The winner of this competition goes on to represent the title at the Universal Life Form competition.
The contest was first founded in 2120 on Old Earth. It was started to commemorate the tenth anniversary of the environmental disaster known as Melting of the Poles. Godfrey Synthetics established a similar pageant on the satellite colony of New California in 2252. The two pageants were acquired and combined by the Donald Trump X in Twenty-third Century of Old Earth time.
Tonight we will be presenting the top contestants for the title of Post-Apocalyptic Person of the Galaxy after this commercial break brought you by Emperor Palpatine II of the New Galactic Republic.
We are back, ladies, gentlemen, and others! It has been an amazing night! All our contestants deserve high praise and let’s offer a round of applause for the various displays of skill and talent that have been performed on this stage. After the swimsuit, linguistic assessment, weapon demonstration, cultural dance, eveningwear, survival games, and talent portions, two contestants have risen to the top. Their scores have them competing for the title. I am please to present Robert Neville and Sonmi-451!
Let’s welcome Robert and Sonmi to the interview portion of the night. You have both been doing very well. This part of the evening is easy. All you have to do is help the judges and galactic audience know who you are. There are no right or wrong answers. We just want to get to the heart of you. Let’s begin!
I am pretty old-fashioned, Robert. So please forgive me when I say, Ladies first! Sonmi-451, you have an interesting backstory. Would you like to share it with the audience?
Sonmi: I am a genetically engineered fabricant from Neo Seoul. I used to live a compliant life of servitude as a server at a fast food restaurant. Until one day, Yoona, one of my fellow fabricants, shared with me a glimpse of a world outside the restaurant. After she was killed for hitting a costumer that was abusing her, Commander Hae-Joo Chang rescued me from captivity. He is a member of a rebel movement known as “Union.” He smuggled me to a residence above ground where he exposes me to the larger world. Thus beginning my awakening.
Evelyn: Wow, that sounds like some adventure. Robert, tell the audience little about you.
Robert: My name is Robert Neville. I am a survivor living in New York City. I was a virologist and lieutenant colonel in United States Armed Force.
Evelyn: Hmmm… A lieutenant colonel, a doctor and a very fine specimen of the human male. Aren’t you impressive! Tell me, Robert, what is your favorite movie?
Robert: I like Shrek … the first one.
Evelyn: O.K. Let’s turn to Sonmi-451. What’s yours?
Sonmi-451: The Ghastly Ordeals of Timothy Cavendish. It’s the first movie I ever saw. It exposed me to the ideas of rebellion and liberation.
Evelyn: I haven’t heard of either those movies, but they both sound wonderful. Let’s see if we can dig a little deeper. Remember: the judges want the juicy bits. What are your hobbies?
Robert: Golf, hunting Dark Seekers, testing my immunity, and hanging out with my mannequin friends.
Evelyn: Very exciting stuff! (Evelyn smirks into the lens) Sonmi-451?
Sonmi-451: I spend time thinking about the nature of our immoral lives and listening to Hae-Joo’s heartbeat while he’s sleeping.
Evelyn: Aren’t you the ambitious heartbreaker! Time for things to get serious. What has been the most significant accomplishment in your life?
Sonmi-451: My most significant accomplishment in my life is myself. Who and what I am now. I am the product of my past lives, consequences of words and deeds, and the sacrifice of many. These things made me into who I am now.
Robert: My greatest accomplishment was my family, but my work has kept me going. I believe the vaccine trials will lead to a cure. I’m still unable to transfer my immunity to the infected hosts. The Krippen Virus is elegant, but I can fix this. I save everyone by reversing the lethal mutation that has turned most humans on the planet into devolved, aggressive creatures known as the Dark Seekers. I am determined to do this. I might be the only one who can.
Evelyn: Robert, I sense so much pain in your words, this leads me to my next question: If you have a magic wand, what is the one thing you would ask for, and why?
Robert: I would ask for my family. I simply want to be with them.
The camera zooms in on Robert’s face. He looks so sad and broken. Sonmi-451 walks into the frame and takes his hand. He turns and looks at her.
Sonmi-451: If I had a magic wand, then I would make a wish for the betterment of all life. All I would wish for is just one simple word – understanding. Understanding that our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. What future do you want to birth, Robert-san?
The camera pulls back to show Robert looking into Sonmi-451’s eyes. She lets go of him and forms butterfly wings with her hands. The pained look on his face shifts into a sad smile. “Marley” is whispered. He nods to Sonmi-451 and turns back to face the audience.
Evelyn: Look at that, folks. (Evelyn smiles into the camera.) Ok, things are getting really serious in here, but bear with us. The two of you are doing amazing. Assuming you are crowned as Post-Apocalyptic Person of the Galaxy, what do you think your role would be?
Sonmi-451: Assuming I am crowned as Post-Apocalyptic Person of the Galaxy, I would be spokesperson for the “Union,” and a voice for the oppressed. As the crown holder, it will give me a platform from which to spread the message. I will be an ambassador of goodwill, be a role model of the revelation, and last but not the least, an epitome of change – symbolizing that we are all connected.
Evelyn: Wow! How do you plan to manage all that?
Sonmi-451: I have Hae-Joo and the other members of the Union. Together we will spread the message that no matter if we’re born in a tank or a womb or of virulent disease, we are all Pureblood.
Robert, Sonmi has set a standard. But I have faith you will have a great answer for this question: What bothers you the most about your planet today?
Robert: There were seven billion people on Earth when the infection hit. KV had a ninety-percent kill rate, that’s five point four billion people dead. Crashed and bled out. Less than one-percent had the immunity. That left twelve million healthy people, like me. The other five hundred and eighty-eight million turned into Dark Seekers, and then they got hungry and they killed and fed on everybody. Everybody! Every *single* person that you or I has ever known is dead! But if I stay at Ground Zero and focus on the vaccine, it will save the human race. I can save them.
Evelyn: Okay, seems that question pushed a button. Maybe we should focus on a more positive question. What advice do you have for the aspiring survivor/revolutionary?
Sonmi: To be is to be perceived and so to know thyself is only possible through the eyes of the other. Remember the consequences of an individual’s life ripple through eternity and death is only a door. When it closes, another opens.
Robert: Bob Marley said it best, but I will paraphrase. The people who are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off, so how can you. Light up the darkness.
Well, my fellow life forms, those are some inspiring answers. Sonmi-451, Robert, you both have had some great things to say and performed admirably. You each represent the eternal themes that impact this mad, mad universe. You both have seen war, survival, and revolution. Your words here today will be your legacies win or lose.
You have made it hard for those judges to pick a winner, but it’s now in their hands. May the gods and the force be with them.
Predicted Winner: Sonmi-451
NOTE: THIS MATCH ENDS ON Friday, March 14, 2014, AT 12:00 PM, EST
Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”